| more retrospection |
[May. 25th, 2007|08:30 pm] |
It's an odd thing to communicate with kids you grew up with but haven't had any real contact with in 25 years.
25 years is a lot of time. It goes by fast, it goes by slow, it goes by when you least expect it -God damn it goes by.
One thing that really strikes me is how kids don't really talk about stuff with each other. I mean I know this to some extent because two of my closest friends are life long and we do still learn stuff about each other.
But kids are so filled with hurt and worry and anger. It's sad to say childhood seems to suck for most people.
When I was a kid I had this neurotic feeling that when I stepped out of a room I was no longer even a memory to the people left in the room. Completely not existing.
-I think I still carry this to this day.
So I always balance this fear but trying to be the center of attention or most dominant. Not usually in an ugly way but I like to leave an impression.
Anyway, there is all this talk about who had a crush on who and all this stuff and I admit I started to really feel bad when I relized that even the one or two possible people who I thought had a crush on me for at least a day barely remember that I existed. Fuck, some of these people I went to school with for 11 years. It's so sad that I care.
Another thing that just weirds me out is that almost everyone is sooo grown up. I mean grown up like bald fat republicans with kids and summer homes. I look at them and I don't feel envy. I kind of feel like they blew it in some giant cosmic way. I mean, I like to feel free and live free. Now, I'm totally a domestic homebody and my wife and I are very much nesters BUT we are free. WE DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR SUITS or do anything to impress a boss. God it's so weird.
The last thing I have to say is it really does make a difference if you come from money. The kids who did have way different lives then the kids who didn't.
The whole process is really good and I hope to end up with some old friends back in my life, but if I don't I won't. |
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